News has been handed down from on high atop mount Hollywood that Danny and Arnie will reprise the Big Guy-Little Guy partnership that touched all of our hearts in “Twins” by signing on to play Big and Little Mario in an upcoming feature film. Studios have been trying to get these two together ever since twins but both have refused citing the infamous wrap party food fight as their primary reason. Each states that the other started the food fight and refuses to give a detailed account as to how the other started it.
We interviewed Danny DeVito who was almost entirely open with us throughout the interview. He showed us a number of intimate scars, asked us to watch him play pokemon on his gameboy, and spent upwards of an hour detailing a single sexual experience twice because he believed we didn’t get it the first time. However when we asked him about his reluctance to be working with Schwarzenegger he said his back was itchy and asked to go to the bathroom. After a 20 minute absense, he attempted to distract us by talking loudly about conspiracy theories beginning in the hallway before even entering the room. Upon entering he was wearing earbuds but they did not appear to be connected to anything. When we pressed again for details he said he thought he might be drunk and asked if one of us could drive him home. Schwarzenegger refused an interview outright saying on that he was “on to us.”